Alternative Thanksgiving – Friendsgiving 2016

18 Nov 2016

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“Friendsgiving? What’s that?” I hear you ask. Well, it’s some sort of newfangled spin on the American holiday celebrated on the fourth Thursday of November of every month (that’s 24th November 2016). As Britain has decided to leave the EU and Theresa May has done some shady backdoor deals with the President-Elect Donald Trump, Britain is to be the United States’ 51st State.

Hence, we here in Blighty are to import Thanksgiving (or Friendsgiving) to these once green and pleasant lands and start celebrating it with diligence, passion and gusto, with perhaps a little excitement and enthusiasm thrown into the mix. Here’s a five suggestions on how to how to celebrate Friendsgiving in style …

#1 – Election theme

 

Well, now that we’ve imported US holidays, we may as well incorporate their politics, too. You could have all your dinner party guests dressed in power suits and wearing Hillary and Trump masks. To really get those wounds extra salty, you could have a “Winners” table for Trumpeteers and Trumpettes and a “Losers” table for Clintonians and Clintonites. For extra political points, build a wall between the twixt of your tables during the dinner party, and verbally assault, slander and smear one another through dodgy media campaigns and nonsensical debates.

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#2 – Vegan Dream

 

Getting tired of all the turkeys throughout the holiday season getting killed and eaten? Or maybe you’re a staunch defender of keeping roast turkey to Christmas Day? Then put on your faux fur animal hats and party on vegan/vegetarian style with a meatless Thanksgiving dinner. Think nut roasts, stuffed portobello mushrooms, sweet potatoes, miso gravies, butternut squash risottos and, of course, pumpkin pies (which really are gorgeous).

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#3 – Old School

 

By this, we don’t necessarily mean drink lots of whisky-based cocktails (though we won’t say that this is not a good time to do so). You could get dressed up in Pilgrim and Indian costumes and serve up a traditional Thanksgiving food. That’s stuffed turkey, mashed potatoes, glazed carrots, green bean casserole, cranberry sauce and cornbread, or waterfowl, venison, fish, lobster, clams, pumpkin, berries and squash if you want a truly traditional Thanksgiving.

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#4 – The future is here

 

As Great Britain has seceded to the United States and we are now eligible to vote on matters pertaining to those living in a different continent several hundred miles away, you could cast a projection of what a future English Thanksgiving will look like. Of course, we use the term “voting” liberally.

In reality, you will only have a choice between two leaders with identical policies, and you will have extra-spiky barbed wire atop a huge electrified fence surrounding the entire country, preventing you and others from entering or leaving the country. There will naturally be cameras watching your every move, and all media information will be controlled by Google and Facebook. All clothing will be the most sterile of white. On the plus side, the food will be excellent, the wine delectable and chocolate somehow more chocolatey than ever. See? Big Brother isn’t all that bad!

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#5 – American Football

 

Anyone who has been to the US at this time of year (or at least knows the US well enough) will come to realise that American Football is massive over there at this time of year. What better party theme, then, than football players and cheerleaders? Watching the Dallas Cowboys and Detroit Lions game is also an option, though the most fun you’re likely to have doing this is attempting to figure out the rules of the darned game.
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Should you not be too keen on celebrating US holidays in the UK, invite over any American friends you may have to relieve their homesickness, and feel happy with the fact that you get to stuff yourself silly with roasted meats and/or vegetables on a day other than Christmas Day.

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